#2215 – Verily Hill CP
A gloomy chill start to the day never puts off devoted hashers. And so it was today: Vereley Hill car park, other side of the road from the radio mast. Wheeze, Wurzel and Lemon had assembled ultra-early today to lay the trail – dust was all fresh and dry. Wel dun ve ‘ares!!
Wanda the Wicked is still on day-release from Hell so we had her as RA today. Close observers will have seen that she has had some intimate work done on her bikini line. Circle, try yelling ‘Hash hush!’ however loudly you can, complete WOFT [waste of f****** time]. Today was the all new ‘Silence’ notice: just one lap of the circle and the loudest noise was the new year growth rings being formed in the trees.
There were lots of newbies, some seven or so – welcome to each and every one of you; we sacrificed just one of these, Annabel, to the weather gods and a wintry damp sun appeared. It does indeed shine on the righteous.
Main hare W. has an excellent sense of humour. He cunningly shepherded everyone away from the On In direction then allowed the pack to go left towards Picket Post before calling them back to cross the road to that side of the heath.
On through the Forest; this hare loves to mislead: W is quite happy to go some way down a falsie to take the pack with him, let the FRBs pass only to smile and call ‘On back’.
There were two bridges, not actual streams to cross, merely pools to wade. On bridge one, Tall Paul and Puffing Billy stood guard to prevent any bar crossing; the second was narrower so that TP alone chucked any miscreants into the shiggy. Is he now our official life-guard?
We were most of the way through the woods when Spotted Dick saw his photo-opp and called for a regroup by a picturesque tree – see piccies. There was an official complaint lodged by El Picador [‘im with the poles who officially walks but mysteriously appears close to the front]: seems that he was the official FRB [front running bastard] at that point and had to be called back. On, up, across the road. Route should have been straightforward here: do a couple of gentle lefts and back to the carpark. Noohh! Ferret pointed out that, when the trail went down and right, we would lose height and were going away from base. Yes, for every metre that you go down. . . .
Second regroup was occasioned by the scared hosses: seems that a horse shied at the sight of our FRBs so it was time to pause, whisper and take photos. Took not one but four calls to Grocer to get him back, he was that determined to continue up the wrong path.
We eased gently up the hill, ‘On On!’ was whispered until the hosses were out of view. Yes, those down metres were starting to count. Left and the mast was in sight, all too briefly. Down again to some ponds and a check. The obvious track back was left. . . . .and barred. Bloody hares!
Round the loop to the right, a one-blob check and then up the final hill.
What should I write about the fish-hooks? Yes, an indulgence in sadism. First was at the top of a hill so six ran back down and back up; second was at the bottom of a hill so back up, third, yes, you’ve guessed, top of the hill just before the carpark. Like the FRBs needed that.
Banger noted 6.7m so a goodly trail. Well done hares.
And so to the closing circle where the RA could wreak her vengeance on the sinners.
In the crowd, Lemon was heard to complain about aching hips. Some ungallant hasher said, ‘Spreading them too wide?’ whereupon Madam Whip and Centurion fell about laughing. LT had the good grace to blush.
1 To romance: young romance in the personages of Maria and Peter; older were Lonely and Blowup Doll; as it was romance, the girls had pink penis-shaped straws and blue for the boys.
2. Shitzoo won the ‘aching fingers’ award: a nice warm penis to rub [don’t worry, just a compliant plastic one specially prepared by the RA]
3 On arrival at the carpark, a miniature stegosaurus was spotted by a terrified Peachy. She screamed for dear life when someone picked it up and threw it at her. Jane darling, it was rubber.
4 Rob and Frosties were this week’s ‘water avoidance’ sinners, and,
5 A worthy DownDown for Wurzel: he has done 100 plasma donations – very well done that man.